Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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