Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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