Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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