I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
