You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
