were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
