he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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