I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
