I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
