my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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