dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
