I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
