Michael Bay diarrhea
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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