I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize