Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
