whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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