She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
