you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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