I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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