i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No stitches, just platelets and will power
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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