Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
