Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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