I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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