let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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