so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
