No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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