Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
