i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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