first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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