I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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