Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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