DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
