The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
