another moral hangover. fuck.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
