i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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