You're completely useless in the revolution.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
