3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
