ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
