ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
