end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
