forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
