I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
40s are totally the cure
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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