So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
