Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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