Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
