I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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