Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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