ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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