Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
