The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How's work?
Spinning.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
