I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize