roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
