i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
