pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
