I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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