The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
