i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize