what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
