I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
