i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
