was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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