I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she peed on how many people?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
