I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
