watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
