So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
