I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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