Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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