Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
