my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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