Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
