i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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