just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
