I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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