Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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