theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
