I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
