I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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