Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
