Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
