i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize