You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
