how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
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