GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
