In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
