My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
