She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
