You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
