i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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