you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
