Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
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dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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