i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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