Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
