Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
