I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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