Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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