I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
