He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
